she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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