I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
