Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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