Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
