dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
