also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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