I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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