Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Me. At least after what I've been through.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
