Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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