I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
