i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
porn star boner night. come get it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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