Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
