Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
