What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
