jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize