Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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