high people should be assigned attendants
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
