Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
why is half of my head shaved?
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