i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize