im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to be your penis for a week.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
