maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
