She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
