I want to make a zoo with you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
