Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
