He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
