My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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