I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
