pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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