You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
