in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
