yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sext me about skeletons
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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