I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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