I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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