hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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