If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
