HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
