Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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