when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
