Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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