no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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