Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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