We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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