"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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