my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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