Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
