right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
