she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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