Will you blow on my dice?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
