I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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