yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
