I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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