I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
