Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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