I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning