don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As shirtless as possible
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
