You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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