Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
