omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
