My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
