You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
