is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
