what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found a bag of teeth...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The power of my boobs compel you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
