Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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