I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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