I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
